My humans work very hard so most evenings we watch a little TV and go to bed early. Now I’ll admit I’m not adverse to a bit of the old coloured square, I like to see people in the big water and in the country but nothing too noisy and definitely no shouting. Animal stuff is also good but I have to leave the room if it involves a vet or an animal hospital as I’m not too impressed about going myself.

Let me give you a few reasons, first I have to wait in a room with a lot of other pets who insist on shouting at each other then I get taken into another room and plonked on a cold tabletop. Then it gets worse as the next human I meet gives me the ‘once over,’….OK, so he did give me a pat and scratched me behind my ears but that didn’t give him permission to poke and prod me from head to toe. It’s the same every year when I have to go for my vaccinations, they roll my lips up to look at my teeth, they stare into my eyes and they put something in my ears so they can see inside and that really tickles. Then they stick two things in their ears that has a long tube attached and press the cold round end on my chest and all this time my humans sit there smiling at me. Then comes the bit I hate most, the vet holds up a thin glass tube, shakes it a few times, lifts my tail with one hand and…….well I don’t want to tell you the rest, needless to say it isn’t very dignified. The only good thing about it is there are always plenty of treats after.

 Anyway, recently I left my humans watching the TV with some of their friends as I had decided to retire early, I did one more round of the kitchen floor just in case someone had dropped a little morsel for me and then curled up in one of my many beds. I was in a deep sweet sleep when all the humans shouted ‘Nooooo!!’ so loud I leapt up and ran straight into the wall, I had forgotten which bed I was in. As I sat slightly dazed all I could hear was ‘pop’ followed by another ‘pop’ and another and so on, ‘that’s it’ I thought ‘I’ve broken my ears,’ then there was an almighty ‘YEEESSSSS!!’ from the humans, I was relieved to know that my ears were working quite well but I had to find out what was going on in the lounge so I wandered in to see them all staring mesmerised at the TV, eyes wide and faces glowing from the coloured screen. Then I heard the pop popping noise again and walked around to face the TV and saw two humans hitting a ball to each other surrounded by thousands of other humans who were sitting in stunned silence just like my humans…. ‘what the….’ my thoughts were stopped in their tracks as the popping stopped and all my humans jumped out of their chairs shouting and cheering. I noticed on the TV that the thousands who had previously been sitting like startled gazelles ( yes, I like a bit of Attenborough too) were also in an uproar, standing up cuddling the human next to them, waving large coloured pieces of fabric and many of them with war paint on their faces were crying.

‘What strange cult had I stumbled across’ I thought as I wandered back through the house heading for my night bed…the one that is not against a wall….I curled up and pushed my face under the blankets and nodded off to the distant rumble of the ‘oooo’s’ ‘aaaaah’s and yaaaay’s from the lounge….’humans, ya gotta love em.’



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